Overwhelmed.

That's a pretty good word to describe me right now... Overwhelmed. Maybe scared, or afraid, or even fearful could work too. There is a lot going on in my life. I start my senior year in less than a week and I'm scared. TERRIFIED! Not sure why, but I am. Don't get me wrong, I'm stoked to be almost done with high school, I'm just a little scared about the journey to the end. I have a lot on my plate and I'm scared I'm going to end up like I always do, which is sitting in my room freaking out because I can't handle everything. Trust me, that's happened one too many times this past year. Maybe I'm just scared because I had a bad day today or maybe because I'm about to pass out from exhaustion right now. I don't know, but I'm am overwhelmed with doubt and fear right now.

It's hard when you are trying you absolute best, but for someone that isn't good enough. It SUCKS like nobody's business. I do love when someone else will come up and say "I think you are doing great." In band I had a couple people come up to me and say that. They may not know it, but it meant a LOT to me because I felt like I was not doing so hot. Another one of my band kids did something extraordinarily nice for me today. I will keep what he did to myself, but that kid gained a TON of respect from me today. Seriously though, he saw that I was a little down and thought it would cheer me up and it did. He is now one of my favorite kids in band... no doubt. It's a good feeling when you realize your band kids actually like you and think you are doing a decent or maybe even a good job. I love band and I love all my band people because they are just awesome. Yeah they may mess up... a lot and not listen... a lot, but they are trying and I respect that! It's hard being drum major... let me testify to that now. I think that is a major thing that is making me so scared. It's a lot of pressure when the whole freaking band is depending on you. It makes you sweat a little... or a lot. It's fun though. Stressful without a doubt, but fun and I love it.

Well that's all that is on my mind. Not really, but that's all I will unload for tonight because my eyes are having a work out attempting to stay open. Thank you once again for reading my thoughts. Thank you and have a fantabulous life, I mean night.(or day... whatever floats your boat.)

-M. Philly