Oh hey there...

I have a PERFECTLY logical and practical explanation for the fact that I haven't blogged in a month or so... WELL, as you all know (or I hope you would know) I graduated last month AND with graduating I had to give back the laptop the school provided for me, therefore I have to use the desktop at my house and let me tell you, it is slower than a REALLY slow turtle. Okay, that's a bit of an overstatement, but it's all the way downstairs and I can't run downstairs at late hours of the night and start blogging... it may disturb my parents. ANYWHO, the short explanation is that I no longer have a laptop and I am too lazy to use the desktop. There you are.  I do apologize for my absence though. I have many instances where I get into those deep thought moments and think, "I must blog about this," but then never get around to it.

Anyway, I decided that it was time to actually put my feelings into words. I have been going through a lot lately... emotionally... with myself. It's not that I'm UNhappy, but I'm just not.. well, happy. Actually, I don't even know what I am! Confused would be a better word. I have just been second guessing every decision I make lately and I don't like it. There have been a few instances where I really regret doing things or in my case most of the time, NOT doing something. There have been some opportunities that I should have taken FULL advantage of, but I didn't and I really hate that I didn't. For instance, Youth Conference was this weekend and I kinda wanted to go but I was too afraid to ask my parents and take off work and just go because I would be one of the oldest there, but seeing how much fun everyone had REALLY makes me wish I would have gone. Instead, I stayed home and worked... FUN, I know! Well, I did go to Carowinds the day YC started so I guess I did have some fun! That was a decision well made. Anywho, I kinda hate the way things are going in my life right now. I like work... most days, but sometimes I just don't like being around some of the people I work with. I am slowly seeing myself becoming more judgemental and almost mean just because of the way some people treat me and my co-workers, which absolutely disgusts me. I'm just not happy with who I am right now.

 Funny how I can so openly put this out for ALL the public to see, but I wouldn't dare tell anyone this face to face. I guess that's why I blog. It allows me to express myself and reflect upon my feelings and thoughts and allow myself to make adjustments to my life where needed. I doubt many people read my blog, but I don't really care. I love when people do, but it wouldn't bother me if no one did because, like I told someone once before, my blog is for me. Call me selfish, but it's a place where I can tell how I feel and I don't feel like I am being judged because I don't see how people react to what I say. It's not somewhere for me to put people on blast or make sure EVERYONE knows every detail about my life and feels sorry for me, it's for me to feel a little better about my life and to just get things off my chest. It's a burden to keep things inside, so that's why I blog and I love it and I MUST do it more often.

Well, I guess I need to catch you readers up on things that have gone on, but that's for another night and I will do it because I have had some exciting things happen in my life. Thanks for letting me vent and being willing to... read it. You rock. :)

-M. Philly