Gone to Carolina in my mind

A week ago, I was walking home from the bookstore when I got a text from my best friend saying her father had passed away. I've never had my heart broken, but I'm guessing it feels a lot like I felt when I read that text. I honestly didn't know what to do. The thing is, there wasn't much I could do because I was 2000 miles away. I sat in my room for a while and just cried, after I called my dad asking what I should do. All I wanted in that moment was to be home. All I wanted was to be there with her, but I couldn't. I don't think I've ever felt that kind of heartache before. I've never had such a longing for home even though I was just there two days before. I kept thinking of her and her family and how heartbroken they must have been and how difficult the coming days would be. It made me so sad because I knew they were hurting, but her whole family is so strong and amazing. I kept thinking of how much I admire their strength and how they have handled her dad being sick for so long. I thought of all the good times we had had with her dad, whether it was at the beach or just at her house. He was such a great man, who was always smiling and happy to see everyone. I tried to put myself in her shoes, but I couldn't even imagine the pain she was going through. I just kept thinking about how much I wanted to be there and how much it saddened me that I couldn't be. Thankfully, my dad was so quick to be there for her and her family. I would not have been able to feel any peace if it wasn't for him going to see her family, going to all the services, and calling me everyday to make sure I was okay and to keep me updated. I felt my love for him grow so much, which I didn't know it could grow anymore. I appreciate him more than ever before and I am so thankful to have him. Having him be so great and this whole experience got me thinking about things. I had prayed for a long time that when this time came, I would be home so I could be there for her, but God has a way of showing us he is the ruler of time. You never know how much time you are going to have left with your friends and family. You never know what is going to happen when you leave home, so you have to make sure you are spending the time that you have in the best ways possible. During Christmas break, I wish I had spent more time with my best friend. I wish I would have snuggled my nephews a little more. I wish I would have cracked more pecans to make mom and dad's lives easier. I wish I would have taken more time to look outside myself. As I was thinking about this I just decided that it was time to stop being so lazy and to start being a better me. I want to be a better friend, sister, daughter, student, follower of Christ, and person in general. I can't waste anymore time just sitting around. I've got to work as hard as I can to be better than I am right now because you never know what God is going to throw your way.
It's been said many times that the Lord only gives you what you can handle. I know that Erin and her family are so much stronger than I am because they have been given so many trials, but they always handle them with a good, positive attitude. I admire them so extremely much because they are simply amazing. I still desperately wish I could be there just to give a hug or a smile, but I guess the Lord knew I was supposed to be here. Everything happens for a reason. For some reason, I met a super quiet girl in Kindergarten who has been my BEST friend, my partner in crime, and one of my favorite people ever since. My life wouldn't be the same without her and her wonderful family and I cannot thank God enough for putting them in my life. I love them and my heart has been with them all week, even though I couldn't there.

-Madeline