Something I didn't think I would say before I moved out here to Utah is that I would be homesick a lot. Boy, was I wrong. I am sitting here studying for my Doctrine and Covenants test and listening to some hymns, hoping that the spiritual music will make the things I am studying stick in my mind better. As I am sitting here, I began to think of my family, as I do fairly often. I have been thinking of them more than usual this weekend with General Conference and I just miss them. My heart is heavy because I so want to be with them right now. I want to be sitting around laughing with them. I want to be playing games with them. I want to be laying in my bed, knowing they are just next door. I just feel a bit lonely and empty without them. It's funny that it's taken me almost 20 years to appreciate them as much as I do. I talk with my friends about family and I see how amazing mine is and how they are the perfect family for me. No other group of people could love me the way they do. I laugh more with them than I do with anyone else. I feel more joy when I am with them than I do anywhere else. I think, as we are apart from each other, of how happy the day will be when we can live together in Heaven for all time and eternity. When I get down like this, I have to keep reminding myself of that sweet blessing the Lord has given us. It motivates me to keep going and to try to be better so I can make it to the Celestial Kingdom with the rest of my family. I want, more than anything, to be with them forever in the presence of my Heavenly Father and my brother, Jesus Christ.
I was doing alright, sitting here studying, (and by fine I mean not crying or feeling overly emotional as I do now) until the hymn "Abide with Me" came on my playlist. Like I said, I sometimes feel lonely without my family, but I often forget that I do have family with me always. I have my Heavenly Father always watching over me every moment of every day. I have a brother who is walking with me every day and wraps his arms around me and can fill my heart with love, if I just let him. He is the only person that know exactly how I feel every moment of every day. I so easily get caught up thinking about not having my physical family here to hug me or be with me that I forget that he can bring those feelings of peace and love to my heart without physically being here. He is here and he is abiding with me.
I pray that I can keep myself worthy of having Christ's and Heavenly Father's influence in my life, so I can feel their love through the precious gift of the Holy Ghost. I'll still miss my family and want them to be with me, but if I can remember to call upon the Lord when I am feeling lonely, I know my heart will feel whole and filled with love.
"Oh, Savior stay this night with me. Behold, tis' eventide."
-M. Philly
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