On to the real world: Lessons learned in college

Something that people may know about me is that I am almost always late. I have been this way my whole life. I mean, I was born two weeks late, so literally my whole life. I am late to get places, I am late to wake up, I am late to text people back, and I am late to post things about my life. SO,with that in mind, it has been two weeks since...

I GRADUATED COLLEGE. 

Yeah, I did that. Now, I was not late to announce that. I posted about it on social media and told everyone who wanted to know, but I am late to write this and post more pictures, which I have been meaning to do for the past two weeks.  I didn't want to write this in a Facebook post because it would be too long and I didn't want to be that person... even though I am still being that person by writing a long post here, but I wanted to so I did. I just wanted to talk about how my last three years at BYU have shaped who I am right now and the things I have realized since I made the big move from NC to Utah.

One of the most important things I have realized is how stinking lucky I am to have the life I have. I mean, I had the opportunity to go to one of the best universities in the country where I received an excellent education that I will benefit from for the rest of my life. I get to live in a beautiful place where I get to see the mountains every single day. I have great friends who love me for who I really I am. Most of all, I have an incredibly loving and giving family. Honesty, I don't deserve them because they are too good to me. My parents have given and still continue to give me so much. My sisters are so generous to me and are always there to let me rant about my stupid problems. I try not to take them for granted and express my appreciation and love for them often. I just have a good life and even when things get hard, I can step back and just think about how good I have it. 

With that, I have realized that I am so privileged. As a teenager, you think that your life is so incredibly tragic and difficult. I know I thought that sometimes. I just look back to then and laugh because my life was never that hard. I have had a pretty easy life. I mean, I have gone through a lot of difficult things, but for the most part I have it pretty easy. I never had to go without the things I needed and I still don't. It would be ridiculous of me to deny that this is true or for me to say that I have had an extremely rough life because I haven't and I am so thankful for that. Simple as that.

Something I have learned to do better is to own my mistakes. I used to think that I always needed to be striving to be perfect, but the thing is... perfection is absolutely unattainable in this life. It is so unhealthy, for me at least, to strive towards perfection because I will never get there on this earth. Why work towards something you can't attain?! I have so many weaknesses and I am not a perfect person and I will never claim to be. I am not ashamed to make mistakes and I will willingly admit when I do because that is how I grow and learn how to be my best. My best isn't perfect and that's ok because I have the Atonement of Christ. (We all do!!) Christ was perfect on this earth so we don't have to be. We can make mistakes and still be just fine because of Him, as long as we are willing to own those mistakes and repent. That is something that has helped me feel a lot better about myself in this place where everyone (seems) so "righteous." 

Another thing that has changed about me is my confidence. To be honest, I have always been pretty confident in myself. I mean, I went through the middle school years where I wanted to be like everyone else, but I grew up and realized it was too exhausting to pretend to be someone I wasn't. That belief has just grown since moving out to Utah. I know my strengths and I am willing to show them. I have learned how to take compliments, which is something I used to be terrible at. I have grown so much as a person and I really like who I am. Now I'm not saying my confidence is perfect and unshakable. I mean, there are lots of things I don't like about myself, I am bad about comparing myself to others, and I still feel self-conscious, but I am still confident in the person I am. AND I have been able to build my self-image from what I think about myself and not what others think of me. Sure, I still care about what people think of me and I want people to like me, but I work to not let their opinions affect how I see myself because I know I am awesome. (And humble... I really do try to sit down and be humble, like Kendrick Lamar reminds me to do.) 

One of the biggest things I have learned is that I don't have to be happy all the time. My life may seem like it's all rainbows and butterflies if you only know me on social media, but it's not. Don't get me wrong, my life is good, but it's not perfect and I am NOT always happy. I have had some pretty difficult experiences since I have been here. I have struggled... a lot. I have always been a happy, optimistic person, and I still feel like I am for the most part. BUT, I have taken my rose-colored glasses off and I see that I cannot be happy all the time. It's ok not to be okay. It's ok to sit in your car and cry when things don't go right. It's ok to be upset when someone does something really crappy to you. It's ok to be mad at yourself when you do something dumb (and it's ok to do dumb things.) I am not condoning being a terrible person, I'm simply saying it's ok to not be good all the time. And I have seen that it's important to let people know that you're not alright and that you struggle with real life issues. It humanizes us and allows us to connect better with each other, which is so important in the world today.

These last few months have allowed me to reflect on the last few years of my life and I am very thankful for that. College is said to be a transformative time in life and it really has been for me. I am still the Madeline I was five years ago, just with a few more upgrades and lots of tweaks. I am happy with who I am because I know I (slowly) becoming who I am supposed to be and who Heavenly Father and Christ want me to be. I have a long road ahead, but I am excited to start this new chapter of my life. I think it's going to be a pretty great one. 

-M. Philly

P.S. I also learned that laughter is the BEST solution to most of life's problems. It's good to laugh at yourself and allow others to laugh with you. And I am pretty hilarious, so laughter is a pretty constant thing in my life. ;)

Do We Care: Superheroes and body image

The first trailer for the new reboot of Spider-Man was released earlier this week and the internet has been loosing it's mind ever since. Many people are excited to see "Spider-Man: Homecoming," but there are many who are tired of the reboots, this being the third version of the web-slinging hero.

This new installment stars 20-year-old actor, Tom Holland as Spider-Man. He differs from the former Spider-Man actors because he is closer to Peter Parker's age. Toby McGuire was 27 years old when he got the role of the high school superhero and Andrew Garfield was 29 years old. Some think that the age similarity may make him the best Spider-Man yet. Also, Holland has already impressed critics  and fans with is small appearance in "Captain America: Civil War," because of his ability to compete alongside the other Marvel heroes.



With that, why do people care so much about superheroes? David Wright, a writer for ABC News, said that people look to superheroes to "tackle problems that are too tough for mere mortals to handle." Alex Wilgus said superheroes are "colorful incarnations of the human soul," tackling the issues of humanity.

These heroes help us escape from our reality and jump into a false reality where people have super powers and the ability to save humankind from evil. Along with that, the heroes all have the perfect bodies, capable of picking up cars punching through walls.

These bodies depicting superheroes, people that young boys want to be, has had a negative effect on males. A McCreary Centre Society study found that 31 percent of healthy weight boys in Grades 7 to 12 were trying to gain weight. Not just young boys are looking to gain weight, older males have looked to protein powders and sports supplements to get the muscles like a superhero. A study in August 2015 found that only four percent of men are happy with their physique and 85 percent had been on a diet to attempt to achieve their ideal body.

Society has become so obsessed with having the perfect bodies, which had led to the rise of plastic surgery and body building and the decrease of health self-esteem.

So, do we care about superheroes and their bodies? It is clear that we, as a society, do because we are allowing their unrealistic bodies to be a comparison to our own.

Do We Care: Internet Challenges and their effects

The newest internet craze has everyone frozen in their tracks. The Mannequin Challenge, the internet's newest video challenge, features groups of people standing still while someone walks around recording the whole thing. Who would have thought something that simple would explode on the internet.

The challenge comes from a group of students from Edward H. White High School in Jacksonville, Florida who came up with the idea in class one day. One girl froze in front of the class and another said that she looked like a mannequin. Other students liked the idea and joined in and then someone recorded the finished result and posted it to Twitter. Next thing they knew students around the country were taking on the challenge.

The challenge really took off when sports teams and celebrities decided to join in. people like the New York Giants, Hillary Clinton, the FLOTUS with the Cleveland Cavilers, and Taylor Swift have accepted the challenge. The BYU gymnastics team also took the challenge, racking up more than 7.5 million views so far and landing a feature on ESPN.



The Mannequin Challenge is not the first internet challenge to take over the internet. There have been many other challenges that celebrities and every day people have gotten involved in, but why?

Peer pressure is a major factor that keeps these challenges trending, particularly for teenagers. Laurence Steinberg, a researcher at Temple University in Philadelphia found that "teenagers are drawn to immediate rewards of a potential choice and are less attentive to the possible risks." He also found that because teens are still learning to control their impulses, they have a harder time resisting pressure from others.

With that, many internet challenges of the past have proved to be dangerous to people's health. For instance, the Hot Pepper Challenge has sent people to the hospital and the Cinnamon Challenge can lead to choking or even vomiting, yet teens are more than willing to complete the challenge just to be accepted and respected by their peers.

Not all challenges have lead to harm. The ALS Ice Bucket Challenge, which was started to create more widespread awareness of Amyotrophic Lateral Sclerosis (ALS), challenged millions of people to pour a bucket of ice water on themselves or donate to the ALS Association. Millions of dollars were raised for the association and made for entertaining videos of your friends and favorite celebrities pouring freezing water on themselves.

So, do we care about internet challenges? It is clear that we as a society do because they are entertaining and because our friends and favorite public figures are "challenging" us to join in.

Do We Care: Kardashians, social media and plastic surgery

Someone in the Kardashian-Jenner family is in the headlines every day. Last month's headlines were about Kim getting robbed in Paris. Last week they were about Kim's husband Kayne West cancelling his tour and checking into the hospital. Today they are about Kim and Kayne's marital problems. Why is the media so concerned with this family and their personal lives? What is so special about them?

"Keeping up with the Kardashians" has been on television since 2007 and over 2 million people tune in each week to see what the famous family is up to. The family has also taken over social media. Kim has 88.2 million followers on Instagram with younger sister, Kylie Jenner is close behind her with 80 million. Kylie is also the most followed person on Snapchat. They willingness to flaunt their bodies for all to see is what keeps the media talking and their population of fans to grow.

Tonight

A photo posted by Kim Kardashian West (@kimkardashian) on Sep 17, 2016 at 9:27pm PDT

The Kardashians put a lot of emphasis on their appearance. Most of them have fended off rumors of plastic surgery, saying their extreme hourglass figures are all natural. Many of their followers are younger females who care about appearance. Even though the Kardashians say they haven't gotten any plastic surgery, plastic surgery is on the rise.

fill yourself with adventure ✨

A photo posted by Kylie (@kyliejenner) on Dec 3, 2016 at 10:18am PST

In 2015, minimally-invasive and surgical cosmetic procedures increased by 2 percent since 2014. While procedures like face lifts and breast augmentation went down, buttock lifts and transplants were up 36 percent. There is no direct correlation between the Kardashians and the increase in those procedures, but it is interesting to note that their fans want to look like the big booty sisters with tiny waists.

Utah has one of the highest rates of plastic surgery. Salt Lake City was named the "vainest" city in America back in 2007 due to the large amount of plastic surgeons in the area. In 2010, Utah had the eighth-highest number of of plastic surgeons per capita. Many Utah women are going under the knife to get "mommy makeovers," as do many women in Hollywood, to get their pre-baby body back.

Teenagers are even jumping on the plastic surgery train. In 2014, 64,000 cosmetic surgery patients in 2014 were 13-19 years old. Dr. Richard Ellenbogen, CEO of BeverlyHillsBody told PEOPLE in 2015 "This is directly related to surgery of the stars of the their reality shows, and the acceptance of cosmetic procedures on social media."

While there is no solid proof or direct correlation, but plastic surgery rates keep rising. So, back to the main question of do we care? People like the Kardashians and social media influencers could possibly influence us to change our minds without even trying.

Do We care: Celebrities and elections

It has been over a week since Donald Trump won the election and became the new president-elect. The news of his victory has left millions devastated and fearful for the future. Many celebrities were among the millions mourning Hillary Clinton's loss. Celebrities have taken political stands for this during this election in the past couple years, but why do people care about who Taylor Swift or Tom Brady voted for?

Celebrities endorsing presidential candidates is nothing new, but with the rise of social media, this past election brought more to these public figures' opinions into the spotlight. The number of stars backing Hillary greatly outweighed the number backing Trump, yet Trump took home the win. This made people question whether celebrity endorsements make any difference in elections.

Stars think they have a huge influence on the general public and while they are seen by many, their political stands do not necessarily cause people to change their own political views.

People like Katy Perry, Miley Cyrus, and Anne Hathaway also visited college campuses encouraging students to vote. Millennials are known to be a celebrity and social media obsessed generation, so campaigning to them was a smart tactic, but it did not have much of an effect on voter turnout.

Campaigned for @hillaryclinton today in GMU in VA encouraging young people to volunteer and vote!!!! 💖💖💖

A photo posted by Miley Cyrus (@mileycyrus) on Oct 22, 2016 at 2:20pm PDT

55 percent of millennials (18-29 year olds) voted for Clinton and 37 percent voted for Trump and republican voter turnout in this age group was the fourth-lowest turnout since 1972. Even with that, voter turnout in states Trump won were, on average, unchanged, but in states where Clinton won, turnout dropped by an average of 2.3 percentage points.

In Utah, despite pushing for the millennial vote, Evan McMullin, who was ahead in the polls the week of the election, Trump still won the state. Maybe McMullin would have won Utah with a few celebrities on his side, but there is no way to tell.

So, back to the question: Do we care about celebrities involved in elections? The answer is inconclusive because there is no real proof celebrity endorsements have any effect on voters.

Behind

Social media is a double edge sword. It allows us to stay connected with friends and family no matter where we are, but it also allows us to compare ourselves to others. I find myself comparing my life to my friends' more often than I should. It is hard to look at what others are doing and not wonder why you aren't doing the same things.

I graduated high school four years ago, which means I could be graduating college right now. Many of my friends are graduated this past weekend and are moving on to bigger and better things, while I am sitting in my apartment writing this when I should be writing an article that is due before next class. As I saw everyone posting pictures at graduation, I began to think why that wasn't me. Why am I not graduating right now? Why am I behind? Why is my life a mess when everyone else seems to have theirs together?

While I was wallowing in my hole of self-pity, I snapped myself back to reality. Just because someone looks like they have their life together, doesn't mean they do. Sure, I may not have graduated this weekend, but I will in a year and a half. I may be behind, but it's because I chose to transfer schools rather than go to a university I didn't love for four years. My life may be a bit of a mess, but I still have time to figure things out before I get thrown into the real world. My original life plan may be shot to pieces, but I know I am right where I am supposed to be. I am Madeline and I can't and don't want to be anyone else. (I mean, I actually wouldn't mind being Taylor Swift...)

We have to stop comparing ourselves to others. None of us are the same. We all move through life in different ways and at different paces. We all look different and have different personalities, so we should celebrate those differences! Find what makes you extra special because there is something special about everyone. Be happy with where and who you are because the only life you can live is your own. Life is meant to be enjoyed, not just endured, so love YOUR life and be the best YOU you can possibly be. I promise, it's better than watching others live their lives on Instagram or Facebook. ;)

-M. Philly

SnapMap

For all those who have Instagram, I am sure you are aware that you can put a location on your photos. Sometimes it can be creepy, but sometimes it can be really cool. In one of my classes, we did a little assignment where we had to take at least 10 pictures that had a common theme and post them on Instagram with a location attached to them. I am working on an article about movies and ratings, so I decided to stick with the theme of movies. I found different places to buy and watch movies and where to get snacks for cheap. With SnapMap, I am able to see where each place I took a photo is. It's pretty cool actually. If you want to know the scoop when it comes to movies in Provo/Orem, check out my SnapMap!!

-M. Philly

21, fun, and single for Valentine's Day?!

With Valentine's Day coming up this weekend, I have heard some of my single friends call it Single's Awareness Day. At this point in my life, I think it's funny that us single people still complain about being single. Here is the thing... I like being single.

As I was walking to work this morning, I was thinking about if I had made different decisions then I would in a very different place right now. I had the thought that I would be miserable if I were married right now. Don't get me wrong, marriage is a wonderful, amazing thing, but I would not want to be married right now. I mean, I'm only 21!!

I have been single for most of my life and I have accepted that and learned to love my singleness. Sure, there are days where I feel alone and wish there was “someone special” in my life, but then I fill that void with friends, family, and Netflix.

Being single has allowed me to do things I could have never done if I had been tied down to a man. I've traveled with my best friends. I've made tons of friends. I've flirted with lots of guys. I've tried new things. I've had the freedom to do what I want, when I want. I've learned to appreciate my alone time. I've become more independent.

What I am trying to say is, being single can be really awesome if you allow yourself to focus on what you do have and not what you don't have. I know I will find a husband one day in the near or distant future, but for now, I am going to enjoy life being single and 21!

For all you ladies out there, happy Galentine's Day. Be like Leslie Knope and enjoy it with your favorite gals.  

(I guess you could call Palentine's day for all the guys to enjoy it with their pals!)

-M. Philly

MY 2016 Grammy Predictions

If you really know me, you know that award season is one of my favorite times of the year, so I thought I'd look to the next big awards show, the Grammys. I love music and I pay attention to the charts to see what's new and trending, so I feel I have a pretty good knowledge of the popular music industry. With that, I thought I would share some of my knowledge regarding this years Grammys by talking about my favorites and predictions for the four main awards.

First of all, the Grammys are voted on by members of the Recording Academy. They are legit music people who are experts on music. I am a bit more biased than they are, so my predictions may not be the most accurate, but I will try to keep my personal tastes to myself.

1. Record of the Year
(This award recognizes the performance of the artist along with the producer, engineers, and mixers.)
Really Love - D'Angelo and the Vanguard
Uptown Funk - Mark Ronson feat. Bruno Mars
Thinking Out Loud - Ed Sheeran
Blank Space - Taylor Swift
Can't Feel My Face - The Weeknd

All of these songs, except "Really Love" have lived on the top 10 of Billboard's Hot 100 chart and have had a massive amount of radio play. I believe it will come down to "Uptown Funk," "Blank Space," and "Can't Feel My Face" because all three have fairly big production elements and have spent more than one week at number one. Because I am a Taylor lover, I'd love to see her win, but I think it will ultimately go to "Uptown Funk." It spent 14 weeks at number one and the music video has over a billion views on YouTube. Not to mention, it's got an old school vibe and a killer horn section and who can resist a good horn section? I know I can't.



2. Album of the Year
Sound and Color - Alabama Shakes
To Pimp a Butterfly - Kendrick Lamar
Traveller - Chris Stapleton
1989 - Taylor Swift
Beauty Behind the Madness - The Weeknd
I have two words for this category: Taylor Swift. I am pretty confident that Taylor is going to take this one home. First of all, 1989 was the only album in 2014 to sell a million copies. Second of all, it is a sonically cohesive piece of pop beauty that critics loved. Also, she had a lot of big names help with this album, including Max Martin, Imogen Heap, Ryan Tedder, and Jack Antonoff. Additionally, she has dominated the world in the last year and a half with her chart topping singles, her letter to Apple Music, and her "squad" taking over the internet, so I would be surprised to see anyone else take this award, even though Kendrick and the Weeknd both had hugely successful albums and years.



3. Song of the Year
(This one recognizes the songwriters.)
Alright - Kendrick Lamar
Blank Space - Taylor Swift
Girl Crush - Little Big Town
See You Again - Wiz Kahlifa feat Charlie Puth
Thinking Out Loud - Ed Sheeran

This isn't an easy one to predict. "Blank Space" is full of smart and witty one liners, but "Thinking Out Loud" is a beautiful love anthem the all the world swooned over. Country artists usually don't take this award, so I can't really see "Girl Crush" taking this one. Kendrick has been really seen by the Grammys this year, getting the most nominations, so he could be big contender for this one, although I'm not a huge fan of this song in particular. When it comes down to it, I think "See You Again" will take this one because it has been another huge song in the last year with decent lyrics. Also, it is in memory of Paul Walker, so I feel like that will put it over the edge and no one can really be mad if it wins.



4. Best New Artist
Courtney Barnett
James Bay
Sam Hunt
Tori Kelly
Meghan Trainor

I am really happy with these nominees this year. Courtney Barnett isn't very well known, but the Grammys like the underdogs. (Remember Esperanza Spalding? Me either, but she won this award back in 2011, beating out Justin Bieber, Drake, Mumford and Sons, and Florence and the Machine) Even as the underdog, I don't think she has a great chance of winning. James Bay has put out some amazing music this year and has had a decent amount of radio play, but not enough to make a huge deal about. Sam Hunt, who I like to call the male T.Swift of Country music, is a big contender. He has done very well this past year. Because his music is more of a crossover or pop and country, he is loved by country and pop lovers alike. I hate country, but I love Sam Hunt. Meghan Trainor is probably the most successful out of all the nominees. I think she is the only one to have a single hit number one on Billboard's Hot 100, but I feel like she hit her stride back in 2014 when "All About That Bass" was released. To me, she isn't a new artist. Tori Kelly, I believe, has the most talent in this group and I'm not just saying that because she is one of my favorites. She wrote and produced her own music and still continues to do so. She has slowly become more well known and her heavenly voice has landed her on the BET awards paying tribute to THE Smokey Robinson and she won the Breakthrough Award at the 2015 Billboard's Women in Music Awards. Even with that, I think Meghan Trainor will be victorious because of her popularity at this point in the game. (My fingers are still crossed for Tori.)

Honestly, I would love to see Taylor Swift take over the Grammys, but my dreams don't always come true. If you want to check out all the other nominations, go to GRAMMY.com. Tune into the show February 15 at 8/7c on CBS to see how accurate my predictions are.

-M. Philly

Gone to Carolina in my mind

A week ago, I was walking home from the bookstore when I got a text from my best friend saying her father had passed away. I've never had my heart broken, but I'm guessing it feels a lot like I felt when I read that text. I honestly didn't know what to do. The thing is, there wasn't much I could do because I was 2000 miles away. I sat in my room for a while and just cried, after I called my dad asking what I should do. All I wanted in that moment was to be home. All I wanted was to be there with her, but I couldn't. I don't think I've ever felt that kind of heartache before. I've never had such a longing for home even though I was just there two days before. I kept thinking of her and her family and how heartbroken they must have been and how difficult the coming days would be. It made me so sad because I knew they were hurting, but her whole family is so strong and amazing. I kept thinking of how much I admire their strength and how they have handled her dad being sick for so long. I thought of all the good times we had had with her dad, whether it was at the beach or just at her house. He was such a great man, who was always smiling and happy to see everyone. I tried to put myself in her shoes, but I couldn't even imagine the pain she was going through. I just kept thinking about how much I wanted to be there and how much it saddened me that I couldn't be. Thankfully, my dad was so quick to be there for her and her family. I would not have been able to feel any peace if it wasn't for him going to see her family, going to all the services, and calling me everyday to make sure I was okay and to keep me updated. I felt my love for him grow so much, which I didn't know it could grow anymore. I appreciate him more than ever before and I am so thankful to have him. Having him be so great and this whole experience got me thinking about things. I had prayed for a long time that when this time came, I would be home so I could be there for her, but God has a way of showing us he is the ruler of time. You never know how much time you are going to have left with your friends and family. You never know what is going to happen when you leave home, so you have to make sure you are spending the time that you have in the best ways possible. During Christmas break, I wish I had spent more time with my best friend. I wish I would have snuggled my nephews a little more. I wish I would have cracked more pecans to make mom and dad's lives easier. I wish I would have taken more time to look outside myself. As I was thinking about this I just decided that it was time to stop being so lazy and to start being a better me. I want to be a better friend, sister, daughter, student, follower of Christ, and person in general. I can't waste anymore time just sitting around. I've got to work as hard as I can to be better than I am right now because you never know what God is going to throw your way.
It's been said many times that the Lord only gives you what you can handle. I know that Erin and her family are so much stronger than I am because they have been given so many trials, but they always handle them with a good, positive attitude. I admire them so extremely much because they are simply amazing. I still desperately wish I could be there just to give a hug or a smile, but I guess the Lord knew I was supposed to be here. Everything happens for a reason. For some reason, I met a super quiet girl in Kindergarten who has been my BEST friend, my partner in crime, and one of my favorite people ever since. My life wouldn't be the same without her and her wonderful family and I cannot thank God enough for putting them in my life. I love them and my heart has been with them all week, even though I couldn't there.

-Madeline

Some things never change....

I've been at BYU for over a year now and lately I have been thinking back to how I got here. I was going through old pictures and messages a few days ago, while procrastinating studying for my midterms, and I was thinking about why I really wanted to come here in the first place. I think some people think I came out here for different reasons, but I realized I applied to BYU for one reason and one reason only... for ME! I applied because I wanted to come here. Because I wanted to get a kick butt education. Because I wanted to change, grow, and learn. I didn't come here because of my parents or so I could get boyfriend/husband or just get away from home. If I had come out here for any reason other reason than because I wanted to then I would not be here anymore. As hard as it is, I would have bailed after my first semester if I had come out here for any other reason. Sure, I had many people encourage me to come and their words helped me remember why I had wanted to come here a few years back, but I knew I had to apply and come here because I wanted to or else I would not succeed. That was just something I wanted to clear up.
WITH that being said, I said that I wanted to come out here to change and grow. I have been thinking about how I have changed so much in the past year, but at the same time, I haven't changed much at all. I decided to take a little trip down memory lane, via Facebook posts, and look at my journey to BYU and how I haven't changed as much as I thought.

Fun fact: I was actually rejected from BYU when I applied in high school, much to my relief at the time.

I decided to go to Piedmont Community College instead of University of North Carolina at Greensboro or Southern Virginia University. For some reason, I was nervous for my first of classes. The beginning of the two easiest years of school I had ever experienced. True Story. I still get nervous before first days. 

I've always been pretty confident in myself. Sure, my confidence falters at times, especially when I surrounded by so many beautiful and smart people, but I still say things like this. This is one of my best statuses to date.

This is still true and I say it with much more conviction than I did before. My mom is the bomb and I would not be surviving BYU without her support, love, and advice.

I'm still holding out for this man. I am more likely to find him here than back home!

I think I have more statuses about sleeping than anything else. There were about 5 others about sleeping... My love for naps and sleeping has not changed... at all. 

My musical tastes haven't changed too much either. I still love Andy Grammer with every piece of my heart. His music still brings me the same amount of joy. (He's on Dancing With the Stars, so you should probably vote for him...)

Staying on the subject of music, my feelings for Taylor Swift have changed... I used to really like her. Now I really LOVE her. Her newest album was basically my life at the time. It reminds me so much of my first semester here. I am still waiting for the day I turn 22 just so I can sing that year and finally mean it! Also, that is still one of my favorite music videos. 

My room is still pretty messy and I still really do not enjoy how long it takes to clean it. I also still wish I could be Mary Poppins.

First year of PCC was done and I rewarded myself. I reward myself now for actually getting out of bed to make myself look decent for class. It really is a big accomplishment for me. I usually do reward myself with food, too. 

I am still utterly and completely obsessed with my nephews. I love those precious little boys so dang much. Ask my roommates, I talk about how cute they are very often and they have been my phone lock screen since I got my phone. I love them with every part of me and miss them so much! I can't wait to snuggle with them at Christmas! (I also still love Spider-Man!)

I am still extremely proud to call myself "Mark Phillips' daughter." I love being able to call him and talk about school and life in Provo and to have him relate with me. It's something really cool and special to me. I also still like to brag that he's a City Councilman and basically a big deal! 

These kinds of things still happen and they happen more often than they used to. I cry when I see small children. I cry when I hear the marching band. I cry when I watch cheesy commercials. It doesn't take much but a little bit of joy or something sentimental to make my eyes fill with tears. I blame Dad. 

This shows a little bit of my process of getting my application in. I remember the anxiety I felt applying and waiting for the decision. I have been feeling that anxiety as I have applied for things and am now waiting for the results. I also spent like 2 weeks finishing those essays. I definitely still do that with application essays

THEN, I finally got in! I found out at like 12:30 in the morning, so I had to keep the news in the whole next day until I could tell Mom and Dad at the same time! I made those little papers for my parents and put them in boxes and made them open them together. They were pretty excited. I still like to tell big news in somewhat cheesy and creative ways... that's just me. 

That was one of the happiest moments of my life. Just seeing how happy and proud my parents were warmed my heart and still does. From that moment on, I started getting ready. I was actually pretty terrified. That summer before I left, I legit lost 10 pounds. I couldn't eat much because I had so much anxiety about leaving. Even with the anxiety, I was so stinking excited and I am still excited and proud to be attending this great university. It has been one of the greatest blessings of my life. 

I wanted to save this one for last because I feel that is has been one of the things that has affected me the most being in Utah. I love and appreciate my family so much more than I ever did before. I miss them all the time, but I am happy we have technology so I can call them whenever I want. We actually all Facetimed the other week on two separate phones so we could all talk together. (Everyone, but Lauren. She was there in spirit!)  I am literally counting down the days until I come home for Christmas and we don't have to Skype AND Facetime each other because we will actually be all together! It's going to be the best and I can't wait!

I could have gone back further and found more, but that would taken more time than this already did. It's always nice to look back at your life and see how you've grown. I have done a lot of growing in the past year and I still have a lot more to do, but I am thankful that I have stayed true to who I am. I haven't abandoned my weird self to try and be someone else and I am proud of myself for that. I love who I am and who I am becoming. I encourage you to take a little trip down your own memory lane and see how you have grown. I enjoyed it and I hope you do, too. 

-M. Philly

Abide With Me

Something I didn't think I would say before I moved out here to Utah is that I would be homesick a lot. Boy, was I wrong. I am sitting here studying for my Doctrine and Covenants test and listening to some hymns, hoping that the spiritual music will make the things I am studying stick in my mind better. As I am sitting here, I began to think of my family, as I do fairly often. I have been thinking of them more than usual this weekend with General Conference and I just miss them. My heart is heavy because I so want to be with them right now. I want to be sitting around laughing with them. I want to be playing games with them. I want to be laying in my bed, knowing they are just next door. I just feel a bit lonely and empty without them. It's funny that it's taken me almost 20 years to appreciate them as much as I do. I talk with my friends about family and I see how amazing mine is and how they are the perfect family for me. No other group of people could love me the way they do. I laugh more with them than I do with anyone else. I feel more joy when I am with them than I do anywhere else. I think, as we are apart from each other, of how happy the day will be when we can live together in Heaven for all time and eternity. When I get down like this, I have to keep reminding myself of that sweet blessing the Lord has given us. It motivates me to keep going and to try to be better so I can make it to the Celestial Kingdom with the rest of my family. I want, more than anything, to be with them forever in the presence of my Heavenly Father and my brother, Jesus Christ.

I was doing alright, sitting here studying, (and by fine I mean not crying or feeling overly emotional as I do now) until the hymn "Abide with Me" came on my playlist. Like I said, I sometimes feel lonely without my family, but I often forget that I do have family with me always. I have my Heavenly Father always watching over me every moment of every day. I have a brother who is walking with me every day and wraps his arms around me and can fill my heart with love, if I just let him. He is the only person that know exactly how I feel every moment of every day. I so easily get caught up thinking about not having my physical family here to hug me or be with me that I forget that he can bring those feelings of peace and love to my heart without physically being here. He is here and he is abiding with me. 

I pray that I can keep myself worthy of having Christ's and Heavenly Father's influence in my life, so I can feel their love through the precious gift of the Holy Ghost. I'll still miss my family and want them to be with me, but if I can remember to call upon the Lord when I am feeling lonely, I know my heart will feel whole and filled with love.

"Oh, Savior stay this night with me. Behold, tis' eventide." 

-M. Philly

https://play.spotify.com/track/4EkLfATJpgXuQotYgVeR8T

Callings

I have realized something as of lately. I really enjoy teaching! How have I realized this when I am in a time of my life where I am constantly being taught, but not really teaching? Well, I having a calling in church that allows me to teach. For those of you who are not aware, in my church we have callings which are basically jobs that we get to do. It's pretty great, if you ask me. My calling is to teach Relief Society, which is the Women's organization of the church. I get to teach the lovely girls in my ward and I have really enjoyed it so far.

Today was a particularly good lesson, not because of me, but because of the comments that the other girls made and the Spirit that was there. I will be honest that I did not prepare as much as I usually do for a lesson. I remember hearing from seminary teachers and other teachers how they just let the Spirit guide them through their lesson, so I kind of tried to do that. I really encouraged the girls to participate because they always have much better things to say than I do and they did. I love listening to what they have to add because it is always really awesome. I could really feel the spirit throughout that lesson a lot more than I have during any lesson I have taught. Sometimes when I teach and people add comments I don't always listen because I am thinking of what I need to say next, but today I didn't do that and I just listened. I really need to do that every time because I felt the spirit in a way I never have during a lesson. IT WAS AWESOME, PEOPLE!!!! Also, the lesson was about repentence, which is something I have a strong testimony of, so that helped me a lot, too. It's always nice to have people say that you've done a good job, but I love it when they say that they felt the spirit during the lesson because that's all that matters. I don't give lessons to make myself look good. I give them because I want to learn and to help other learn and strengthen their testimony. I don't even feel like I teach all that much because the comments that are made and the discussions we have as a class are what really bring the spirit. It's like my Granny says, "I'm not really teaching, just leading a disccusion." 

I love this calling and having the opportunity to teach or "lead disscussions" in church. It has already blessed me so much and I am so grateful for that. I love being a member of this church. I am so blessed to be where I am with the people I am with. I know this is what I am supposed to be doing and where I'm supposed to be. I know that the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-Day Saints is true and it's so wonderful. I know that the Atonement is real and that Heavenly Father and Christ love me and are looking out for me. I know that because my lesson would not have gone as well as it did without them. MAN, I just love being a Mormon. If you're not one, you should be because it's basically the best thing in the world... just saying. :)

-M.Philly

People walk in, people walk out.

It's always difficult to start a post. Sometimes I can come up with creative things to say, but I'm at a loss for words today. With that, let's just dive in! I have found an odd new obsession since I moved out here to Utah. Now that I have a smart phone, which is so nice, especially since I don't take my laptop with me to campus, I can easily access the internet whenever I want. It's a pretty magical thing. With that, I have found myself reading tons and tons of articles. I have read some pretty interesting articles about lots of random things, but I find myself reading ones on like how to be a good person and who are the types of people you should be spending your time with. It's a lot of those cheesy ones that people post on Facebook, but I enjoy reading those the most. I have found a bunch that relate to me very well and others that I have learned some good stuff from. I was reading one the other day that talked about how you should surround yourself with people that lift you up, not bring you down. As I read that, I just thought about how I have done that pretty well as of late. I was laying in bed thinking last night how my life is filled with people who make me really happy. Let's just take a little look!
I love my roommates! They are some of the greatest girls I know. They have dealt with me for the past few months through the good and bad times. They have made me laugh when I needed it, they have cried with me when I read children's books to them, and they have laughed at me when I get crazy. They have given me so much good advice and helped me get over and through things. I would not be as happy as I am without them! We have lots of fun when we are together and I LOVE THEM!!!

I mean, look at the happiness!

 This was at Melissa's birthday party and we all couldn't stop laughing! These aren't all my roommates, but I love all these people! 

Our dear Suzanna, who we miss so much! She makes my heart so happy! :)

I got home the other night and sweet Melissa had gotten me some wonderful Spider-Man things. Oh, she knows me so well! I love her!!

 My best friend may be 2000 miles away, but anytime I need to talk or just need a good laugh, I know I can call or text her! She has done so much for me and I am so glad to have her in my life! Best friends since Kindergarten and I would't have it any other way!

She even went all the way to DC with me over Christmas break! :)

I have other friends that have been so great for me and have helped me and been just so awesome for me! My sisters have always been so great for me, too. No one makes me laugh the way they do! I wish I could be with them all the time, but even though we are all so far from each other, I know they would do anything to be there for me. Having them has been such a comfort to me even if they do pick on me.
Speaking of family, my parents are so spectacular. As I have gotten older and moved away, I have become so much more aware at how hardcore and awesome they are! I really miss them, but I love being able to call them and talk about what's going on. It's funny that being so far away, I feel closer to them than I ever have. I just appreciate them so much more than I did before. Also, being at BYU has given us different things to talk about and I am able to relate to them so much more because we have had similar experiences here in Provo. They listen to me talk about my life and give me advice about things, which means a lot to me. I love them so much and I'm so thankful to know we are sealed together, so they will be stuck with me FOREVER!

I've said this a lot, but I have learned so much in my few months here in Utah and I am thankful for all my experiences, both good and bad. I have become so much more independent, but I still need people to support me. My mom said to me today, "If you need help, don't be afraid to ask. Don't try to be too independent." I am just really glad to have people in my life that allow me to be independent, but are still there for me to lean on when I need them. That feels really good! Hooray for wonderful people and a wonderful life! :)

-M. Philly

Just say "HEY!"

Soooo, I have written a few things in the past month, but I have literally written them down on pen and paper because I always get in the mood to write when I am on campus and I never bring my laptop to campus with me. Maybe one day I will buckle down and type them up and post them, but I wouldn't count on it. Today I got a little inspired while on campus, but the thought is still in my mind, so I thought I better take advantage of this writing mood while it lasts.

Today was I was sitting in one of the buildings on campus, waiting for one of my classes to start and I saw a person that I know, but I don't REALLY know... it's quite a long story and a really embarrassing one at that, so I will just say that I don't think this person knows who I am and I'll leave it there. So I see this person, who happens to be a fairly attractive male and I thought "Oh my goodness, I need to talk to him. I need to say something to him. This is a sign that I should do something. I have been waiting for something like this to happen. This is a sign!!" Then the doubts creeped in and I was thinking "No way. What would I even say? I am terrible at talking to people. He looks pretty occupied. He is going to think I'm some crazy girl for just randomly talking to him." And then the ultimate thought came to my mind... "He probably doesn't even know I exist." That really got me thinking. How are we going to let people know that we exist if we are not willing to show them that we do!?

This is something that I have been thinking about and something that has been talked about among my friends lately. We tend to complain about not making a ton of new friends or we have guys that we see and would like to talk to or be friends with, but we don't do anything about it. As girls I think we sometimes think that we have to wait for the guys to come up and say something to us and if they don't then they are not interested. The thing is, if you are not willing to say or do something to let that person know that you exist, then they are never going to be interested because they aren't going to know you. I think the thing is that we as humans fear rejection. We are afraid to talk to people we don't know because they may not like us or want to talk to us at all. This goes for guys as well! The thing is, we can't be afraid to talk to people just because we are scared. If we do that then we will never have new people in our lives. We just have to be brave enough to take the risk and say "Hey!" or "I like your watch!" (That's my go-to line, if they have a watch...) If they are someone who is meant to be in your life, they will talk to you and things could happen, but if they brush you off like a jerk, well then they suck and you don't want them in your life anyway. We just have to stop being so afraid to fail because really, we are failing if we don't do anything at all.

So next time you see someone that you think you'd like to get to know, TALK TO THEM! Don't be afraid of rejection. You have just got to let them know that you exist!! I need to take my own advice and stop being so self-conscious and worrying about what people will think of me. This is the time in my life I need to be taking risks and talking to whoever the heck I want to, so I am going to try harder. I am going to be more brave and I hope you will be, too! :)

-M. Philly

Voices

SO, my first semester is pretty much over, except for my Political Science exam in the morning which I am actively procrastinating studying for. I was just thinking today how much I have learned this semester in the majority of my classes and I how I feel a lot closer to Heavenly Father then I did before. As I was thinking of this, I remembered this post that I wrote a month or two ago, but never posted. I figured now was a good time to share it since this semester has come to an end, so here it is...


Hello friends! I just wanted to share a really cool experience that I just had in one of my classes. First off, let me just say that I love BYU! Truly, it's such an amazing place and I love it more and more every day. Okay, no I'm in a Voice Phonetics and Diction class. It is a class that technically I don't need to be taking since I changed my major, but I just decided to keep it because I figured it would be a good class that I could learn from. At first, things were a little different and I wasn't really enjoying it, but then there would be good days. Today was an absolutely fantastic day. This morning, while walking to campus, I was saying a prayer to myself because I'm a failure and forgot to kneel down and say one before I left. Anyway, I prayed to really feel the spirit with me today because there were some things going on today that I knew I would need a little bit more spiritual guidance and help. Immediately I felt the spirit and that was awesome and I went off to my 8AM Book of Mormon class. I love that class too and my professor, who is hilarious. That's just back story, so I go to my voice class at 11 and I walk in knowing we are working on our poem performances. We got into groups and started working. I was in a group and our professor was leading our group. This class is a lot about releasing tension, breathing, and just letting go of things to allow our voices to reach their max potential, so we were all supposed to get up in front of our group and recite our poem and allow the other group members to show us where our tension was and to help us release it. We had done this on Monday, but not quite like this. This professor is simply amazing. Person after person, she was able to identify where they hold their tension and why. The reasons ranged from not feeling you're good enough to just hearing the negative instead of the positive. Each person, she would tell them where the tension was and why it was there and it was completely true on every account, which lead to a few tears and positive reinforcement. My professor just kept saying how much she BELIEVED in each person she was working with and how amazing they were and how they are capable and it was completely sincere. There was never a moment that I thought she was just saying these things because she had to. She was saying them because she meant them and she wanted each person to know she was there for them! I didn't even get to go and I was completely overwhelmed with the spirit and a new love and appreciation for each person in that group, as well as my professor! It was simply amazing! It's hard to even describe how I felt or even what happened, but it was something I really needed. She said that we were meant to be where we are and with the particular people we are with and I know that is 100% true. I have never been able to feel anything like that in any of my classes and I am so looking forward to the rest of what this class has in store to teach me. I have learned a lot about myself from this class, which I really didn't think would happen. I could not be more thankful to go to a university that doesn't just allow it's students to move forward secularly, but spiritually. It's absolutely amazing and I KNOW without a doubt that this is where I am supposed to be and that makes me happy. Really and truly happy.

That class seriously did change me and the way that I view myself and others. It sounds cheesy, but I was really able to find my "voice" in this class. It was exactly the class I needed for this first semester at BYU and I am so happy I got to take it, along with all my classes... well, except Political Science which I could have easily done without. Anyway, this place has been good for me and I am happy that I get to stick around here and learn so many new things for the next couple years! For now though, I am going to enjoy not doing any school work for the next two weeks... after my last final tomorrow, of course!

-M. Philly

Different than I imagined...

Whoa... I can't believe that my first semester of BYU is almost over. I will be done with my classes this week and then it will be time for finals! It's crazy!!! These past few months have gone by so fast. I never could have imagined how much my life would change in just these few months. Guys, for real... Things have turned out a lot differently than I thought. I had made so many plans and had so many ideas of what my life was going to be like here, but those were not the plans that were meant for me, I guess. One of the only things that I did plan on happening that has happened is that I am happy... SO happy. SOSOSOSOSOSO HAPPY! Sorry to get a little carried away, but there is no other way I could express it right now. I always knew I was going to be happy here, but I figured I would find happiness in different ways than I have.

Before I came out here I figured that I would have a roommate or two that would not like me or would be grumpy just because of all the horror stories I had heard about roommates from people, but my roommates have been one of the biggest sources of happiness if my life. I cannot say enough how amazing my roommates are. They have become some of my best friends. We all get along and we sit around telling stories about our days or our lives. We are always laughing. There have been many nights that involved me laying on the floor of my bedroom, laughing until I cry or I am literally in pain from laughing so hard. We have gone on quite a few adventures, which are always fun and exciting. They listen to me and they love me despite my craziness. I am always excited to come home everyday and see their smiling faces. I love them so very much and I could not have imagined having such perfect roommates to make my experience here even better.

This is only 3 of the 5 roommates I have, but I just love this picture.

School has actually been a source of joy in my life, too. Sure, it's still school and there are plenty of things that I don't enjoy about it like homework and projects and papers, but I have learned so much from my classes this semester. The only class that I really don't enjoy is Political Science, but really... who would enjoy that class. I call it my nap class because that is all I do. Anyway, I have really come to love the rest of my classes. I have been able to learn so much. I have learned a ton more about the Book of Mormon in my Book of Mormon class and my teacher is super fantastic and interesting. I have learned more about theatre and acting that have helped me to better my talents. I have learned so much about myself, my voice, and how I live my life. All my professors are amazing and I cannot express how thankful I am to be at a university that creates an environment that allows the Spirit to be present. I have learned so much more here than I could have at any other university. I freaking love BYU, end of story.

I have made some pretty good friends here too who have made me really happy. We have people at our apartment a lot and we always have a good time. We have gone on many fun adventures, some of which I will never forget... for many reasons. My ward has been so fantastic, too. My testimony has been strengthened a lot because of my ward. I have also made friends in most of my classes, too. They make my classes much more entertaining and even give me more insight in classes. They all make me very happy and cheer me up when I am down just by being themselves. I am very thankful for them all.

This is my Family Home Evening family and they are so fantastic. :)

I have learned so much about myself and what my weaknesses are and what my strengths are. I have gone through some interesting experiences. There have been bad days and hard weeks. There have been moments where I wish I could have gone home and cry to my mom, but those feelings passed and usually pretty quickly. I had a hard couple weeks when a lot of things came crashing down on me and things ended and I was a little down, but I learned a lot about myself in those weeks. I was able to get over things and move on. I gained a lot more confidence in myself and I just realized that I am kinda really awesome and that I can do anything I want to do because I am capable. My testimony was strengthened and I have been so much happier since then because of all those reasons above. I have learned that things don't always turn out the way you plan, but they always turn out the way they are supposed to. I believe that with all my heart.

Overall, I am just so dang happy and I am loving my life. I have honestly never been this happy and I have so many people to thank for that. Only a couple weeks until I get to go home and I am so excited to see my family and my friends, who I have missed very much and I get to snuggle with my sweet little nephews, who are the cutest things ever. Oh, those precious little boys!! Anyway, that is all for now. Thanks for being you! :)

-M. Philly